Conversion

First of all, I just want to say how happy I am to be joining all of you this morning for this retreat. I was talking to a friend last night about what I was doing today and I shared with him that this is one of the opportunities for me to give back to y’all for making my time at Holy Redeemer so fruitful when I was there for my pastoral year. So, please know how grateful I am to each of you for all of your prayers and such over the years. That support helped me make it through seminary and to ordination. So, thank you!

Introduction to St. Paul

I called an audible this week in my preparations for this talk. As I started to reflect on conversion and our experience of it during the Lenten season, I really felt the Lord calling me to look to the example of St. Paul and his conversion. I do understand how the call of Levi was an important moment of conversion for him and it resulted in him becoming one of the greatest evangelists in the Church, but I think there is something more for us to gain from reflecting on the life of St. Paul.

The first time we meet Paul is in Acts 7, when he is still known as Saul. In that particular scripture, we read how he has witnessed and condoned the murder of St. Steven, the first martyr of the Church. Not the best start for a guy who is supposed to be a saint. Paul was a Jew who was seeking to destroy the early Christian Church. He was well-educated, faithful and passionate. He was good at his job. He figured he was doing the right thing by persecuting the followers of Jesus because he didn’t want this new religious sect grabbing hold of the people in his own Jewish community. He had his plans and his ideas and was determined to carry them through.

Then, in Acts 9, God interrupts and changes everything.

Now Saul, still breathing murderous threats against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, that, if he should find any men or women who belonged to the Way, he might bring them back to Jerusalem in chains. On his journey, as he was nearing Damascus, a light from the sky suddenly flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” He said, “Who are you, sir?” The reply came, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Now get up and go into the city and you will be told what you must do.”

The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, for they heard the voice but could see no one. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing; so they led him by the hand and brought him to Damascus. For three days he was unable to see, and he neither ate nor drank.

There was a disciple in Damascus named Ananias, and the Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” He answered, “Here I am, Lord.” The Lord said to him, “Get up and go to the street called Straight and ask at the house of Judas for a man from Tarsus named Saul. He is there praying, and [in a vision] he has seen a man named Ananias come in and lay [his] hands on him, that he may regain his sight.” But Ananias replied, “Lord, I have heard from many sources about this man, what evil things he has done to your holy ones in Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priests to imprison all who call upon your name.” But the Lord said to him, “Go, for this man is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before Gentiles, kings, and Israelites, and I will show him what he will have to suffer for my name.”

So Ananias went and entered the house; laying his hands on him, he said, “Saul, my brother, the Lord has sent me, Jesus who appeared to you on the way by which you came, that you may regain your sight and be filled with the holy Spirit.” Immediately things like scales fell from his eyes and he regained his sight. He got up and was baptized, and when he had eaten, he recovered his strength.

He stayed some days with the disciples in Damascus, and he began at once to proclaim Jesus in the synagogues, that he is the Son of God. All who heard him were astounded and said, “Is not this the man who in Jerusalem ravaged those who call upon this name, and came here expressly to take them back in chains to the chief priests?” But Saul grew all the stronger and confounded [the] Jews who lived in Damascus, proving that this is the Messiah.

After a long time had passed, the Jews conspired to kill him, but their plot became known to Saul. Now they were keeping watch on the gates day and night so as to kill him, but his disciples took him one night and let him down through an opening in the wall, lowering him in a basket. When he arrived in Jerusalem he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he was a disciple. Then Barnabas took charge of him and brought him to the apostles, and he reported to them how on the way he had seen the Lord and that he had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had spoken out boldly in the name of Jesus. He moved about freely with them in Jerusalem, and spoke out boldly in the name of the Lord. He also spoke and debated with the Hellenists, but they tried to kill him. And when the brothers learned of this, they took him down to Caesarea and sent him on his way to Tarsus.

The church throughout all Judea, Galilee, and Samaria was at peace. It was being built up and walked in the fear of the Lord, and with the consolation of the holy Spirit it grew in numbers.

Putting OUrselves in Paul’s Shoes

Now can you imagine, when all of this happened to Paul, imagine how he felt or what he was thinking? What would your response be? Have any of us ever experienced something like this? What is our conversion story? That is a question I would like you to ponder throughout the day because all of us have had a moment when we recognize our need to turn back to God in some way. It could be a large conversion or a smaller one. And God is still calling us to conversion – conversion is an ongoing process. While not all of us will be “knocked off our horses” or hear booming voice from the sky, God is still seeking to interrupt our lives just as he did with Paul’s.

The problem is we get so stuck in our lives, our routines, our habits that we begin to believe that it is all about us. That is when we need to be interrupted by God. We need Him to break in and remind us that this life is about so much more than us.

This dramatic interruption was Paul’s conversion. Whether we have been walking in our faith for many years or are just starting our faith journey, we are all in need of continual conversion – the transformation of our hearts and lives to God.

It is interesting that after Paul encountered God he lost his sight. But while he was physically blind, he actually “saw” for the first time. He saw the truth about God and the truth about himself.

Many of us, although we can see, are blind. It is the type of blindness that leads us to believe that we don’t really need God. It’s a sense of complacency and self-centeredness. This blindness keeps us focused on ourselves and doesn’t allow us to see God in others – it actually really prevents us from seeing God in many different places. This blindness keeps us separated from the love and the truth and grace we desperately need, all the while saying, “I’m fine – I don’t need anything.” Like, how many times have we said that and not really been fine? It’s something that we say all the time!

God not only wants to break through and interrupt – He wants us to be cured of our blindness. He wants us to see the offer that He is placing before us: that offer is of life in abundance, it’s true meaning, it’s true purpose, it’s relationship with Him.

When we think about Paul’s conversion, we often think that once he fell off the horse it was over…from that moment on he was this changed man, he encountered Christ and immediately began to preach and write letters. But that’s simply not true.

Actually, Paul took three years after his initial conversion experience to prepare for his new mission. He had to learn more about who Jesus was and what He had done for his disciples and for others. Paul had to allow God to clarify his mission. He needed time for the full impact of his encounter with Christ to transform and change him.

When we encounter God in a powerful way, we can sometimes make the mistake of thinking that everything must change immediately or that the encounter we had wasn’t real – that’s a lie that the devil places on our hearts. Conversion is so much more than a “one-time” deal, it’s so much more than one event; it is a life-long journey of continually conforming our hearts to the heart of the Father. It’s an invitation to an ongoing and deepening relationship with God. It’s a drawing us into a more profound sense of intimacy with the Father.

A New Creation

Imagine what it was like for the Christians of Damascus. The man who was coming to put them in jail now says that he believes in Jesus and wants to be their friend, their companion, their brother. Understandably, many doubted Paul was being authentic, they doubted his conversion story and even rejected him at first. But over time, Paul proved to them that he was truly changed, he demonstrated to them that Christ had worked some sort of miracle in him. And the Jews in Damascus came to understand this through Paul’s words and actions. He was a new creation and he was ready to move forward in the newfound truth of Jesus Christ.

That is the question for us this morning: Are we going to move ahead or remain stuck in the past? Are we going to allow the Lord to lead us to a place of conversion and respond positively to that invitation or are we going to get stuck in the past of our sins?

All too often, we get so hung up on the mistakes we have made in the past that we miss the mission and glory that God is calling us to. We figure that our past is too sinful or too shameful for God to break through and transform it – to transform our lives.

If we spend all our time looking at where we have been and the mistakes that we’ve made, we’ll never see where we are going and the many blessings and graces that the Lord wants to give us. St. Paul’s past was ugly – but God had shown up and changed everything. Paul had to stop looking at the past and, instead, embrace where he was going.

Some people might not understand that, they might not be able to get passed the sins and the failures that they have made. We can doubt that the Lord is inviting us to change. We may doubt that we can change. Others might doubt that we can really change. But with God, “all things are possible.”

Forgiveness

One of the key components in real conversion is forgiveness. To seek the forgiveness of God, to seek the forgiveness of others, and even forgiving ourselves.

Have we made mistakes? Yes, absolutely. Have we fallen short of being the person that God created us to be? 100%. But here’s the good news! God has not given up on us, just like He never gave up on St. Paul. He continually calls us to conversion, He continually challenges us to return to Him and to be reconciled with Him.

As Catholics, we have something at our disposal that makes that reconciliation with God possible. The Father has given us the Sacrament of Reconciliation that we might encounter His forgiveness in a real and tangible way. In that sacrament, we come to realize how sin separates and destroys; but it is forgiveness that restores and heals.

Too often we stay away from the gift of this Sacrament out of fear. We make it more about our sin and less about God’s grace. We are afraid of falling back into the same patterns of sin, so we just don’t go. But that is the equivalent of falling face-first in manure and just staying there because we might fall down again. Refusing to receive the sacrament because of fear inhibits the Lord from breaking the chains that tie us to our sins, it prevents Him from bringing true freedom to our hearts. It is through this Sacrament that God gives us His grace to overcome our sins, to avoid sins in the future, and to be truly transformed. If real change, real transformation is going to happen – we absolutely need God’s grace. We cannot do it alone.

Sharing the Gospel

After his initial conversion and Baptism, Paul set out to preach the Good News of Jesus Christ. He went out to proclaim the Gospel, and he was able to recognize that his life was the proof of the power of the Gospel still in the world even after Jesus’ death. Paul’s life had been changed and he could not keep the truth and the love of Christ to himself.

But reading through Acts and Paul’s letters, we know that Paul encountered great suffering in preaching the Gospel. He was beaten, flogged, stoned, jailed and finally even killed. But more than that, he rejoiced when he was persecuted because he was sharing in the suffering of Christ on the cross. It is through this suffering that Paul learned to rely on God’s grace rather than his own power. What does this mean for all of us? The reality is, suffering and trial will happen. It might even happen more if you choose to follow Christ.

But during this Lenten season – as we approach the end of the Lenten season and enter into Holy Week – now is a really good time to be honest with ourselves and, in our prayer with God, we should consider…

What are the “crosses” in our lives right now?
What effect do these crosses have on our faith?
In what ways does the Lord want to lead us to freedom and conversion?

In our prayer and reflection we should be willing to bring ALL of ourself to God. If you have questions, ask Him. If you are angry, frustrated or sad, tell Him. If you are thankful, give thanks. If you’re struggling to forgive, ask him for help. If you find yourself falling into the same sin over and over, ask him for the grace to overcome it. Bring everything to Him.

Conclusion

Conversion is a continual process as God continues to pursue us and ask us to give Him more of our hearts. How will respond to that invitation today? Will we be like St. Paul and allow that moment of conversion to transform us into better witnesses of God’s love and mercy? Or will we remain stuck in our sin and refuse to enter more deeply into relationship with God? The choice is ours to make.

Photo Credit: Patrick Fore. Used under the Unsplash license.